Yes, both are very cute. Yes, both look like complete creatures for their first few weeks of life. Yes, both have that great smell until they inevitably roll in something disgusting. We’re not dealing with the superficial here though, this a battle of sheer challenge. Which one is harder to handle? 

Dog owners may become so attached to their pet they buy them elaborate outfits, throw them birthdays and weddings, and call them their child—their baby. I currently know someone creating a registry for their newly adopted dog. These statements are in no way a judgment call. Dogs are awesome—I have one and I’m crazy about her—but are they as tough to care for as a baby? Are dog owners and parents of human babies created equal? 

This is the question I chewed on as I attempted to keep my one-year-old baby and my parents’ nine-week- old puppy from biting each other and myself. After taking a family road trip to Chicago with my husband, our six year old daughter, and our previously mentioned baby we’d agreed to house and puppy sit for my parents for a week. They’d watched our dog while we were gone; it seemed like a fair trade. But taking care of a four-year-old dog is basically the equivalent of taking care of a human the equivalent dog year age (28) — they sleep a decent amount, eat predictable meals, and know where and when to go to the bathroom. The combination of a baby and a puppy is something else entirely. Let’s break it down by the basic elements of survival.

SLEEP 

Both puppies and babies are no joke when it comes to lack of sleep. They’ll both wake you up early. I will say that once babies are up they need a lot more of your active attention. Puppies can be let out, fed, and then give them some toys and they’ll entertain themselves pretty well. Babies, especially ones about to be toddlers, need enrichment. They’re not content to just play tuggies with a rope toy. Though after hours of reading board books, singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” ad nauseam, and stacking blocks, a baby will somehow find the most contentment with an abandoned cardboard box. But back to the sleep.

It’s a toss up about which one naps more, but babies need a lot more fanfare and preamble to get them ready for a nap; puppies will crash out anywhere. When it comes to bedtime though babies win—early bedtimes. After getting my baby to bed by 8 p.m., the puppy still needed to stay up and be taken out at 11 p.m. The puppy wins though when it comes to middle of the night—if the puppy wakes up it just needs to pee; when the baby does, he’s getting four new teeth in and screaming bloody murder. I’m gonna give this round to babies being more difficult.

EAT

Puppies eat the exact same thing every meal every day AND they will clean up all the food your toddler drops on the floor. Babies take this round too. Though I had to constantly work to stop both of them trying to eat rabbit poop in my parents’ front yard. 

MOVE 

Puppies have a lot of energy to burn and when they’re really young dog parks are out of the question, but babies can’t do much at a playground—so that’s a wash. Babies have physical, movement milestones that are super important and easy for parents to obsess over. Puppies get to flop all around on their cute little legs and chase their tail and it’s all good Instagram stories fodder. Though babies get a lot more props for learning to walk and puppies can do that almost at the jump. For all those milestones and parent criticism, I’m going to give the difficulty to babies. 

GO 

Until potty training happens, babies are easier. Pop culture would like us to believe diaper changing is some horrific battle but honestly, it’s so great. Unless there’s a massive blowout—it’s contained. With puppies they go outside but then you have to pick it up with a bag and the potty training with them happens immediately so there’s a lot of indoor cleaning happening too. While I was screaming into the void, while dealing with diapers and cleaning poop off a carpet, a friend of mine jokingly suggested you could diaper a dog. I have no doubt there’s a Shark Tank hopeful ready to pitch disposable doggie diapers, but until then dogs take the difficulty level for this one. 

Pop culture would like us to believe diaper changing is some horrific battle but honestly, it’s so great.

CUTENESS 

All this work and exhaustion, both babies and puppies know the best way to create amnesia—be as cute and cuddly as possible. After my baby threw all the toys out of the basket and then the puppy chewed them all into pieces, they’ll both looked up at me with big, rabbit-shit-eating grins and all was forgiven. This one’s a tie. 

Babies win out on difficulty overall, but I will say caring for a puppy and a baby at the same time is no joke. I’ve heard some people talk about getting a dog alongside getting a newborn because you’ll be home all the time. After the week I had, I would laugh and cry in their face and tell them that yes, you’ll be home but that baby and puppy will rise up in chaotic unity and you will live under a dictatorship of cute and poop.

Feature photo by Picsea on Unsplash

Recommend If You Like is not owned or funded by a billionaire or even a millionaire. We do have a Patreon. Even sites owned by billionaires and millionaires have Patreons so please don’t hold that against us. And we’re paying all of our writers, photographers and graphic designers. So please consider our Patreon. If you can't afford to become a patron, please sign up to our mailing list. It's free and we're asking here instead of a pop-up. Pop-ups are annoying.