I’ve had “Knives Out” by Radiohead in my head since Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery was released in 2022. The song is the third best version of Knives Out.

Have you ever seen the video? It’s great, maybe Radiohead’s fifth best video (“Paranoid Android” is 1, “No Surprises” is 2, “Just” is 3, “Karma Police” is 4). It’s the second best version of Knives Out.

The 2019 film Knives Out is pretty good! It’s quite fun if you want it to be. And there’s one fantastic sweater worn by Captain America/Human Torch. It’s the fourth best version of Knives Out.

The newest Knives Out, Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, is pretty good! Some friends think it’s the worst film of all time and to those friends, let me ask, huh? It’s incredibly competent, the cast is great (hey Hollywood, put Dave Bautista in everything) and Janelle Monáe could not have been better. Whatever. It’s the fifth best version of Knives Out.

2001’s “Knifin’ Around” episode of Space Ghost Coast to Coast is the most overlooked and under-appreciated version of Knives Out. It is perfect. It is currently available on HBO Max. It is the best version of Knives Out.

For the unfamiliar, Space Ghost hosts a talk show in outer space. His two slaves, Moltar and Brak, are his producer and house band. In this episode from season 7, Space Ghost wants to burn 50 copies of the new Radiohead CD. Thom Yorke is Space Ghosts’ guest. Moltar goes rouge and starts to host the show, interviewing Yorke. Moltar wants to have a knife showcase. Thom does not. Space Ghost sings a should-be-iconic song.

Zorak enters and banters with Space Ghost. Moltar lets Space Ghost know his wife is on the phone. Björk, Space Ghosts’ new wife, appears on screen. Her first words are, “Do you like sulfur?” It continues like this. It is a perfect episode. It is the best episode of a fantastic television series. It is not as beloved as anything else in the Knives Out universe and this needs to change.

What’s stopping Rian Johnson from copping the premise of Space Ghost’s “Knifin’ Around” for Knives Out 3? Music theft, stolen identities, unlawful marriage, sulfur, another Radiohead reference, a present buried in the yard, the City Council of Bethesda, Maryland, hiding outside your apartment, a French DJ, bodily fluids, an affair, new beats, a mask, multiple languages, drinking until your heart stops, smashed glass, black market organs, thrown punches, Björk, a second Björk and Iceland are all present in this 12 minutes episode. Johnson could easily expand it to 120 minutes for the third installment in his KO universe. He should especially like the City Council of Bethesda, Maryland stuff since he’s from Maryland too!

Will this happen? Absolutely not. And it probably shouldn’t. But regardless of what happens in the next installment of the Netflix version of Clue, Knives Out 3 will be Knives Out 3: Knifin’ Around in my head. Everyone in the cast can remain from the original “Knifin’ Around,” just add James Bond and call it a day. Cut cut cut cut.

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