My kid’s school seems to have an excuse to dress up every week. This Friday they’re instructed to wear a pink shirt in support of Breast Cancer Awareness month. Next Monday is the start of school spirit week and the pupils are encouraged to wear orange, a color I didn’t realize is part of their school colors until I read the school spirit week flyer. My kid doesn’t have a pink shirt. My kid only has an orange sweatshirt and it’s supposed to be in the 70s on Monday. So I’m shopping for pink and orange shirts. 

I looked for Chicago Blackhawks, Chicago Bulls, Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox pink and orange shirts. No luck. There are a few Cubs and Sox shirts that could work but none are my kid’s style so ultimately they don’t work. I looked at Chicago Bears shirts and there are a bunch of orange ones I really like and my kid would really like but since I don’t want my kid playing football I will not be ordering any of these Bears shirts. 

Now I’m looking for pink and/or orange Nirvana shirts. 

How is this better? What’s worse: CTE or addiction? Anyways, there are a lot of Nirvana toddler shirt options and I will not buy any. 

My kid does not like Nirvana. Their favorite band is the Ramones. Their current favorite song is “Shake It Off” (IT’S HER BEST SONG, BACK OFF! WE DO NOT PLAY ANY OTHER TAYLOR SWIFT IN OUR HOUSE!!!) followed by “Break My Soul” by Beyoncé and the first song in Cars that Sheryl Crow sings. Not Nirvana. But Nirvana shirts still look good and the smiley face is sorta kid friendly. And I’m lying to myself. 

There’s a fine line between shaping your kids’ interests and projecting your interests onto your kid. I think I’m back on my Nirvana bullshit because Krist Novoselic, Dave Grohl and Steve Albini are on this week’s Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend to discuss the 30th anniversary of In Utero, the album that literally changed my life. 

The Conan podcast with 2/3 of Nirvana is kinda good. No, it’s really good. It’s fucking great. The more I think about it, the better it gets. The show is regularly good but this one is even better since it was recorded at Electrical Audio in Chicago. There are no co-hosts, just Conan and the musicians. And the hosts’ desire to be accepted is obvious from the first question. 

Conan O’Brien’s desire to befriend Krist and Dave, and to a lesser extent Steve, is palpable. I completely relate. 

I’ve had the opportunity to interview each of these musicians on separate occasions. Every time I didn’t respond to the publicist. I just don’t know what I want to know, you know? I do know any of these conversations centered around the band that changed my life (I AM UNIQUE IN THIS WAY!) would be a not-funny version of The Chris Farley Show. 

I did interview Butch Vig when the documentary about Smart Studios was in the film festival circuit. Though Nirvana recorded some their biggest record at Smart, arguably the biggest record of the 90s, I did not ask Vig one question about that record or Nirvana in general. Instead I spent our 20 minutes BSing about Smashing Pumpkins guitar tones and a few minutes about the first Garbage record. It was not a good interview. It wasn’t bad per se, I just wanted to avoid the elephant in the room/naked baby in the pool. 

I’ve spent the 30 years since the release of In Utero writing about pop culture and nightlife and other bullshit that isn’t important but I think is more important than anything else. And since In Utero is the record that led me away from sports and towards art, it’s the record I’ve listened to and researched the most. The album seems like an impossible feat, something only those specific four people could create over a few weeks in Minnesota in the winter of 1993. Me or anyone else could never, ever achieve anything like In Utero. It is the only thing that feels this way. 

I’m a very positive person. I truly believe with enough time and effort, I could do most anything in the world. The only two things I can never physically accomplish are dunk and give birth. Other than that, I’m still able. Except In Utero. I can’t make that feels like In Utero. I believe I can make something as satisfying as The Beatles’ White Album or Citizen Kane or Twin Peaks season 3, episode 8. But not In Utero. 

It’s not about technical prowess. I can play all of the musical parts on In Utero. I can hit most every note Cobain sings. I can record in a similar mode to Albini. But I can’t create that feel. That feel is obvious and almost unexplainable. And the Conan podcast is so good because Conan spends over an hour trying to get any of the three dudes to explain why it feels the way it feels. And no one can. Or the guests just don’t want to get to the feel. Maybe that’s why it’s such a singular piece of art. Maybe that’s why a talk show host who has interviewed thousands of people can’t seem to win over In Utero’s producer. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to talk to Krist, Dave or Steve about this one record. Maybe that’s why I’ll spend a few more hours adding and removing Nirvana toddler sized t-shirts from online shopping carts. 

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