As one of the most famous country musicians on earth, I understand that you can do whatever you want. 

You can burn giant wads of cash while driving off into the desert (vowing to never be seen again), you can have an entire wing at Oklahoma State University named after your emo alter ego, and you can choose to have your vast and storied catalogue marooned on the isle that is Amazon Music (more on that later, which is a threat AND a promise). You’ve made more money than I’ll ever make and more talent than I’ll ever have, which is why I think you should throw me a bone.

But before I dive into my Faustian-lite bargain, let me let you in on a (not) secret. You see, I love country music. I’ve been listening to it since I was a kid and all of my childhood memories (good, bad an everything in between) are soundtracked to the voices of Reba McEntire, Kenny Chesney, Alan Jackson, Dolly Parton, Brooks & Dunn, The Chicks and you, Garth. Your music reminds me of loved ones long gone and old childhood homes. It’s important to me, and since it’s important to me, I want everyone I love to try and love it too. 

And in the year of our lord 2021, country music can be a little bit of a hard sell, Garth. I mean, Lil Nas X, Taylor Swift and Orville Peck are excellent country bridges. Their widely appealing music can lead someone down the road of liking country, but they can’t alone turn a country foe into a country fan.

Of course, The Chicks can do a lot of heavy lifting when it comes to introducing people to the genre, and I can usually get someone to agree that Brooks & Dunn’s “Neon Moon” is a little slice of sad alcoholic heaven (because it is), but the people need you, Garth. And by the people, I mean me. I want to play your catalogue when I DJ and put your deep cuts on playlists for friends. I need your arsenal of incredible country songs to convince people that country music is worth their time. I need your charity work and support of LGBTQ rights to remind people that not every modern, male country artist is Toby Keith.

So here’s my bargain, you stop making your music exclusively available to stream on Amazon Music and I’ll continue to preach the gospel of Garth. I know you don’t technically need more fans, but this is in defense of the genre. A genre that has, I assume, brought us both a lot of happiness.

I’d purchase an Apple Music subscription for you, hell, I’d even hand my credit card over to Tidal, but I cannot in good conscience give Amazon more of my screen time and money than it already has. I mean, you’ve met Jeff, right Garth? I’m assuming you’ve met him. Why on earth would you want to be in business with him?

Until then, I’ll be waiting for the day you set your music (and my heart) free.

P.S., I haven’t ripped any of your albums because I haven’t had a computer with a disk drive since at least 2015. You have to get with the times, Garth. The kids need you.

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