Are the Berenstain Bears Trying to Kill Their Children?
Mama Bear and Papa Bear have had more than 400 adventures with their offspring. There’s one entry that makes a reader wonder if they no longer want to be parents.
In the 2014 book The Berenstain Bears’ Lemonade Stand by Mike Berenstain, the children start a lemonade stand. Pretty simple. The back of the book does a fine job summarizing the commonplace activity. “When Mama shares some fresh lemonade with the cubs, Brother and Sister Bear have a great idea—why not make a lemonade stand and share with the whole neighborhood?”
The lemonade stand is successful. So successful everyone wants lemonade! The demand has created a crowd and the crowd wants to party! So there’s a giant party. A party large enough to warrant fireworks.
I don’t like fireworks. I think I’m in the minority. But I do understand the appeal of fireworks, especially at large gatherings. It’s important to rage against the dying light and making things go boom definitely does that. And though I don’t think fireworks and children are great friends, I know it’s pointless to tell anyone to do with their children.
I know I don’t like fireworks but is this guy trying to murder the Berenstain Bears children?
Dude, Grizzly Gus, set up a rickety fireworks ramp in front of the fireworks stand. Brother, Sister and Honey Bear are thrilled by their good luck, but they are dumb children! This guy is a maniac and, better question, where are the parents? I know things were different back in the day but this day was 2014. That’s a decade ago. Their absence is still someone-call-Department-of-Child-Services levels of neglect. Which begs the question, do Mama and Papa wish they were no longer Mama and Papa?
Literally, not figuratively. Are they literally trying to no longer be parents? Was this all a plan to dispose of their brood? Let’s break down how a lemonade stand works.
- Mama makes lemonade.
- Brother, Sister and Honey Bear are instructed to sell lemonade.
- Mama and Papa call everyone in the neighborhood to come over and purchase some lemonade.
- Mama and Papa call Grizzly Gus, the one guy that has fireworks year-round, to come by. They tell the clearly unstable dude to set up a lean-to ramp on the lemonade stand.
- Mama and Papa wait for the results.
I realize this sounds insane. But I also know that parents of three small children may not want to be parents everyday.
The final pages of the book show a trio of tired and hot children going back to their home. I know they’re tired and hot because the text reads, “They are very tired. They are very hot.” They’re walking towards and Mama and Papa Bear, a Mama and Papa who look well rested and somewhat surprised their children are returning home safely.
I do not think the 60+ year book series is a tale of a growing family that regret growing. I do think setting off explosives literally feet from three children’s faces is a failure of both parental guidance and neighborly care. Mama, Papa, Grizzly Gus and all the bears awestruck by the big booms are animals. Animals.
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