I quit drinking when my pancreas exploded. But I’d been considering it for years. By the time I was a teenager, it was obvious to me that alcohol was exacerbating a lot of my worst problems and that I was self-medicating with uneven results. And yet, I kept boozing, largely because I found it hard to fathom that I could stop drinking without sacrificing most of the creative friendships, participation, and fun that seemed to go with it. Without firewater, I thought, I may as well join a monastery.

If I’d had access to Sober 21, a collection of first-person stories from sober musicians and related material for the sober-curious, things could have been different. Distributed through The Creative Independent, the ever-stylish inspirational arm of Kickstarter, it’s a long-haul passion project for Elia Einhorn, a founding member of Scotland Yard Gospel Choir and Fashion Brigade who cleaned up in his teens after a gnarly acid trip and has been carving out sober spaces in the music biz ever since.

As we get older, more of our friends have kids, and more of our friends get sober. This can be a fate better than social death. Einhorn, along with many of the artists, superproducers, and punk gods who contributed to Sober 21, believes that a major factor in sobriety is managing one’s milieu and that music and party scenes could do more to understand and help.

If you want to support your sober friends and make it easier for us to spend time with you, there’s much you can do.

Stock up on flavored water

“When entertaining, it’s always nice to buy fun non-alcoholic drinks alongside alcoholic ones,” says Einhorn, “but even just having Diet Cokes and seltzer for sober guests is great!” And he’s willing to reciprocate (although you might not want to expect this from people who are less secure in their dryness). “When I’m hosting a party, I buy alcohol – just because I can’t do it doesn’t mean non-alkies aren’t able to drink responsibly – as well as a variety of sodas, seltzers, and fun sparkling juices.” This applies to venues as well as house parties. “It’s really nice when venues have a cool mocktail available, something I’m seeing more and more. It’s appreciated!”

Do some research

Even if you’re not sober-curious yourself, reading up on the experience of sober folks is doing us a major mitzvah. The journey of sobriety in America usually intersects with Alcoholics Anonymous, and AA lore contains ideas and practices that could potentially benefit most people, especially the emphasis on raw honesty in a society saturated with horseshit. But the sober experience is broader than AA, and is ever-evolving, encompassing everything from Recovery Dharma to the spirituality-averse SMART Recovery to the controversial concept of “Cali Sober.”

“It is a big change to get clean, and yet people of all ages are doing it all the time,” says Einhorn. “I’ve seen folks as aged as their early 80s get sober.” If your friends are eschewing drugs and alcohol, they may be having more interesting times than you think. With that in mind…

Appreciate the weirdness of sober people

There’s no getting around the fact that a lot of cool creative shit was inspired by drugs. But sober people can be just as creative and out-there as anyone else, and the world is richer, funnier, and more magical for their contributions. Examples abound. “As a teenager, I loved Frank Zappa, and was floored when a Grateful Dead bio let me know that he was totally straightedge,” says Einhorn. “I mean, that motherfucker was weird.” 

Einhorn also cites his friend, the sculptor Rudy Shepherd. “Rudy’s been sober for over 20 years, is brilliant, and makes wonderfully strange art. He builds massive Black Rock Negative Energy Absorber sculptures, dons a full-body costume to become a character he calls The Healer, and invites myself and other musicians to perform as his noise band accompaniment while he ‘activates’ the sculptures in public parks and art galleries. Here’s a guy who is 100% clean and sober and working in a surreal spiritual and mental realm that so many mistakenly think is only accessible via drugs.”

And there are music legends such as post-punk titan Peter Hook, genius-level producers Nile Rogers and Mix Master Mike, and Cait O’Riordan of the goddamned Pogues (fewer acts would be widely considered more dependent on alcohol) who testify to the increased richness in their creative lives that emerged after they quit.

We’re weird, wild, and mad cool. Just sayin’.

Support structural change, including more robust healthcare options

The music industry, and much of the culture at large, is driven by alcohol sponsorships, which is not in itself a bad thing. “I’ve worked closely with liquor companies to do dope shit we could never have afforded to do without that partnership,” Einhorn says. “Those relationships enable many cool careers by underwriting brilliant art. One crucial structural change that needs addressing in the music industry, though, is that every single professional musician needs healthcare, and that it needs to include mental health coverage. There’s also an opportunity to conceive of information in music spaces about how to get help. For example, every restaurant in New York City is required to have a poster showing how to help a person who is choking. Why not extend that concept to music spaces via informational posters and pamphlets showing people where they can get help for drinking and drugs if they need it?”

Know that being clean is nothing to fear

The COVID-19 epoch was a lot of things, including, for many, an opportunity to reexamine our habits and lifestyles. Maybe you’re second-guessing your own relationship with substances. If that’s you, you’re not alone, and you’re better supported than you think. Therapists, AA circles (and their alternatives), and your own friends, creative partners, and house-party guests are ready and eager to help. Most of us try to be respectful and non-evangelical about it, but it can be fucking thrilling to get clean, rest assured.

As John Grant writes in Sober 21, “there is nothing like being totally awake and aware in a world that doesn’t need any help from me to be stranger than fiction.” You may wonder why you waited so long.

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