Since the Home Depot 12 foot skeleton became a thing I’ve wanted that thing. It was easy to talk a big game in 2021, when it was damn near impossible to find the Home Depot 12 foot skeleton without massive markups. But supply is beginning to match demand and I found a 12 foot Home Depot skeleton at a local Home Depot on September 5, 2022 and did not buy the skeleton. 

Did I change my mind? Did I renege on my desire to want your skull? Is this just another example of NIMBYism?

Yes and no. 

I did not purchase the Home Depot 12 foot skeleton for three reasons: price, location and other skeleton options. 

1. The Home Depot 12 foot skeleton retails at $300. This isn’t a lot of money for anything 12 feet tall that’s going to be up year round, but pricey for something that’s only going to be up for 30-60 days. And since the Home Depot 12 foot skeleton needs to be assembled, disassembled and stored back in its original box, the amount of sweat equity makes that $300 seem like $600 once you peruse the assembly instructions. Just look at page 3 of the assembly instructions:

And with a newborn and toddler, who the hell is going to come over to get this thing up and down with me? I’m not using Taskrabbit for something like this because that just feels evil and not in a fun evil way. 

2. I live a block away from a high school. That’s too close to a high school to put up a Home Depot 12 foot skeleton. This is true for every high school ever. 

3. The biggest and best reason I did not purchase the Home Depot 12 foot skeleton is because Home Depot offers a 5 foot posable skeleton with glowing red eyes for $30 (now only $15!). This is a steal! And that’s what’s currently behind me while I write this. 

Did I pass up on the Home Depot 12 foot skeleton? Yes. Do I regret it? No. Will I purchase it one day? Yes. 

We need to normalize Home Depot 12 foot skeletons. Once there’s a Home Depot 12 foot skeleton on every block, they most likely won’t cost $300 and be a beacon for mischief for high schoolers [shakes fist at local teen]. Until then, I’ll stick with reasonably priced, life sized, posable skeletons. And skull candles. Buy skull candles and keep them outside and they’ll melt and look fantastic.

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