I was planning on doing The Crow for this Halloween. With three simple black lines, one vertical over each eye and one horizontal across the mouth, it’s really easy to become The Crow, specifically The Crow: City of Angels version. It’s an effective and quick to produce look. There’s a reason two of AEW’s biggest stars do a version of The Crow makeup. But it’s fraught with tragedy, both real and in storyline, and it’s back in the news due to another tragedy. It feels wrong to do The Crow makeup this year.

So what other makeup would work? I’ve done Gene Simmons of KISS and Paul Stanley of KISS but now that I’m a dad, I really don’t want to explain or introduce them to America’s most overrated/successful metal band.

I’ve done a mashup of The Crow and Violent J, something I dubbed the JuggaCrow, but it still references The Crow and now that I’m a dad, I really don’t want to explain or introduce them to America’s most hated/Michigan friendly/FBI gang designated band.

I’ve considered The Baseball Furies from The Warriors but I’m not convinced anyone will know the character without the baseball jersey, hat and bat.

I’ve considered Aladdin Sane era Bowie but there’s no way to make it look good under glasses (for some reason, The Crow works under glasses).

I’ve considered Joker but come on? No reasonable straight, white male should be the Joker in 2021.

There are a lot of really great roundups of makeup for 2021. But most of it is extremely intricate. It’s not possible for me to do intricate makeup when dealing with a toddler.

Which brings us to masks. Wearing a mask in 2021 is still important. Unfortunately, I’m referring to N95 type masks, not super fun Halloween masks. Since I’m not willing to go maskless in a city with mask mandates, I’m back to makeup (If my kid were a few years older, I’d definitely just wear my Mistico mask (which covers the mouth and the nose (YOU NEED TO COVER YOUR NOSE, WEARING A MASK ONLY OVER YOUR MOUTH IS NOT CORRECT)) and call it a day).

I’m out of ideas. I’m done makeup costume scrolling. I’m asking for help. Do you have an idea?

If you see me in The Crow makeup any time over the next 9 days, the answer is no. There is no other good, simple Halloween makeup.

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Feature photo from the 1984 – Paas Halloween Make Up Kits – The Creatures They Are Commercial