I’m a soccer football obsessive. What drew me in was how global the game is and how genuinely more funny sports are in other countries than sterilized American sports. I’ve started a newsletter focused on the funniest things that happen off the pitch: Pure Class Football.

Here are my top 3 funniest moments off the pitch in 2025. 

Nigeria’s men’s coach blames the loss on voodoo

I’ve heard a lot of weak excuses from coaches after a big loss: the ball is weird, the pitch is too wet (or too dry) or their own supporters weren’t loud enough. But the Nigerian men’s football manager brought a new excuse to the table.

This excuse is one of those things about international football that makes you think (as an American) is this racist? After all, Lagos, Nigeria is a thriving metropolitan city that is one of the financial hubs in the continent of Africa. But…do they still believe in voodoo? If a Mom for Liberty coached a football team, she would absolutely blame losing a big match on demonic beings haunting the pitch. Then she’d get a gig in the Republican party. 

Here it is: 

Chelsea raises the Club World Cup Trophy, Trump just stands there

This summer, the Club World Cup took place in America. It’s like the UEFA Champions League, except it has teams from all over the world and no one gives a shit about it. It was a great preview of how fucked up the World Cup will be when it comes to America this summer. 

1. If the excessive heat and humidity weren’t bad enough — bad storms with lightning postponed seven matches. Those breaks varied from 40 minutes to two hours. 
2. Getting around America is a nightmare if you are trying to follow your club. Fans might pay more to fly between Arlington, TX and Seattle, Washington than they do for a match ticket. That is if the TSA is even functioning enough to keep the airlines open. 
3. President Trump thinks he is more important than the entire tournament.

Chelsea beat Paris Saint-Germain 3-0 in the final. It is customary that the winning club meets up on a cool little stage and raises the trophy to fireworks and shouts of elation. This time, however, it went a little different. As Chelsea was getting ready to celebrate their deserved trophy — President Trump just wouldn’t leave. All the other top brass of FIFA got out of the way of the champions because who would be stupid enough to try and steal a moment from these athletes? You know who. Captain Reese James and Cole Palmer tried to ask him to leave, but Trump just smiled like he didn’t understand what they were saying. So all the pictures of Chelsea’s victory have Trump just smiling like a putz. 

Lazio’s falconer fired for penis surgery pictures. 

Beitar Jerusalem is the most racist club in the world (according to their own chants). Lazio is the second. They are located in Rome and play in Serie A along with their left-wing rivals Roma. Their official name is SS Lazio. They supposedly stand for “Società Sportiva” — but no other football clubs use the double S, instead using AC for Athletic Club or FC for Football Club. In the 80’s their ultras displayed a banner “Auschwitz is your town, the ovens are your houses” so I think we can guess what the SS means. Their logo features a golden eagle, which was famously an Italian fascist symbol of strength. 

Now that context is out of the way…

Lazio’s falconer, Juan Bernabè, got fired because he posted pictures of his new prosthetic penis online. He was suspended four years ago for giving a fascist salute during a match and later saying he “admired Mussolini.” 

No other club in the world has a full-time falconer on staff to carry a big ass eagle around the stadium. The fact that Lazio hired back the guy who started a “Duce Duce” chant speaks volumes. 

But nothing speaks louder than the man himself. In an interview with Radio24 after his firing, he was very candid about himself. 

“My conscience is fine, I only publicized this to inform people about the surgery. For me, nudity is normal because I grew up in a naturist family and with an open mind, I don’t understand what my photo has to do with pornography.

“Everyone loves sex. I don’t drink, don’t smoke, and don’t do drugs, but I like sex, like all men, and men always try to have better sexual capabilities. I’m a very active man, and I live with a partner, but I go out with other women. My partner knows about it because she understands that, to me, sex is a necessity, she has a very open mind. I’d like to have sex one or two times a day.” 

The man loves two F’s: fascism and fucking. Even that was too much for the second most racist club in the world. 

Goodrich Gevaart is a tired dad who writes Pure Class Football

Photo by Timothy Tan on Unsplash

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