Sometimes “the wisdom to know the difference” is hard — especially when feelings are involved! I notice myself trying to control whether or not I let someone down, and choosing their hypothetical emotional comfort over my own actual wellbeing.

It’s so hard to believe that (1) people are allowed to feel let down; (2) that doesn’t make me a bad person; and (3) I’m not responsible for managing someone else’s emotions. It’s a tough trade off, but I’m curious about living a life with a little bit more of an emphasis on taking the things I need, and less on worrying that I’m going to disappoint those that I love.

Disappointment happens, and it’s okay; and it changes, and it can be processed. Disappointing someone shouldn’t be unsafe. (But also make sure you know the parts of a good and true apology, so you don’t veer off into “seriously hurt” territory.)

I sometimes bristle at the words “you can always leave.” It can feel like you CAN’T. I think the important thing is acknowledging that there are consequences to leaving (I’m talking about everything from a marriage to a therapist to a class you’re taking to a party), and it’s a real muscle to learn how to weigh them against the positive effects on your own psyche. All decisions we make around staying or leaving make sense, whether or not they are “right” or “wrong.”

I don’t know how to play the Sims and I Googled what a Sim looked like in early versions, but I have no idea what any of those little icons mean on my last slide.

Sophie Lucido Johnson is a cartoonist for The New Yorker and the author and artist of the books Many Love and Love Without Sex. Follow her on Instagram (where this post originally ran) and subscribe to her Substack, aptly named You Are Doing A Good Enough Job.

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