I bought a Popeyes Cajun Turkey for Friendsgiving. That’s not what this article is about, but it does clearly illustrate what kind of person I am: the type of detestable, modern, layered-irony monster that revels in the ugly corporate opportunism and commodification of a holiday centered around British imperialism and the theft of North America from its native people. I’m not even attending a real family Thanksgiving, predictably opting for the unattached hipster Friendsgiving, as if unmarried adults living in cities need more excuses to drink and eat with their friends. I’ll later go on to wear a Big Dogs shirt with a musclebound bipedal dog wearing sunglasses saying “Bah Humbark” for Christmas because, you know, it sucks. My favorite musical genre is literally ska. I’m not proud of any of this, except maybe the last part.

I’m a walking mass of nerdy high schooler defense mechanisms, and accessing any kind of sincerity for the people and things I love is a huge struggle for me. This is the reason that Thanksgiving and Christmas, holidays meant to celebrate love and gratitude, are my least favorite holidays of the year. But I know I need them; they are the balm for my festering irony wound. I pledge to choke back my cynicism this year and tell people that have accepted me into their lives how much they mean to me, even if the naked vulnerability of doing so makes me want to melt and slide through the floorboards. This kind of undertaking will of course require some liquid courage, but I have another secret weapon: the song “Rhubarb Pie” by Five Iron Frenzy.

For the uninitiated, let’s start this irony train with a briefing on Five Iron Frenzy: formed in Denver, Colorado in 1995, Five Iron Frenzy was the Christian ska band that set the bar for all Christian ska bands. If they weren’t singing about finding God in the eyes of a child (the song is called “Dandelions” and it’s incredible), they were popping youth-group-appropriate goofs about Canada, mullets, and 8 different versions of a song called “These Are Not My Pants“. They were truly the Titanic of Christian ska. And just like the other Titanic, they hit an iceberg by the name of The End Is Here. Five Iron knew they had to call it quits, but while recording their final album they left fans with a present called Cheeses…(of Nazareth), a rarities and B-sides collection featuring the original version of a song fans had only before known as Ugly Day.

The band would likely be horrified to learn that “Rhubarb Pie” is my favorite Five Iron Frenzy song. It was written over 20 years ago and they changed the lyrics before even releasing it. I feel that this was a grave mistake. I mean it’s good that they chose to salvage the song; it’s a bouncy powerhouse musically and the hornline is one of the greatest earworms you’ll ever hear. But the Ugly Day version is an unneeded bummer of a breakup song from a band that shines brightest when they’re goofing around in a clean Christian fun kind of way. And man, “Rhubarb Pie” is a goofy one: sung in the crooning voice of a lounge singer, the song laments American consumerism and politics and hearkens back to childhood memories of eating mother’s rhubarb pie. I guess it doesn’t sound that silly when I write it out, and therein lies the real beauty of this song: it is sincere, in its own way. The world is a cynical place, and there’s no shame in taking comfort in childhood nostalgia and wishing life had stayed so genuine and pure. And there’s no shame in milking that same nostalgia out of a Christian ska band’s song about pie.

Five Iron Frenzy’s journey did not end with their final show at the Fillmore Auditorium on November 22^nd, days before Thanksgiving of 2003. Much like a revered figure from a certain religion, the band did come back to life on November 22^nd of 2011 and released the album Engine of a Million Plots, marking a gritty faith-questioning reboot of the all-American Christian ska band. Their 2021 release Until This Shakes Apart continued in this same vein, drawing mixed reviews from the Christian right but ultimately being celebrated among fans. Five Iron Frenzy found the strength to drop their irony and silliness and talk about things that actually mattered. It’s a lesson we can all take something away from. But if that kind of sincerity causes an ache in the pit of your chest, I recommend taking things slow and starting with a few listens through “Rhubarb Pie.” And hey, take it easy on the eggnog, huh? I’m just joshin with ya, drink as much as you want, just tell your friends and family how grateful you are to have them around.

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