It’s hard to recommend planning a whole trip around going to a bar. It feels pretty alcoholic-y. Plus there are bars everywhere, and if you can’t find something to love about one near you, you may be the problem. Personally, I’ve never planned a trip around going to a bar, but I’ve definitely sought out some special places while traveling, and one bar I’m sure I’ll make another trip to before I die (shredded by Boston Dynamics robot police dogs) is La Mariana Sailing Club in Honolulu, Hawai’i.

I’m not a connoisseur of Tiki bars, I have a handful of favorites, but how could this one not top my list? It’s an old relic from the 1950s that survived Tiki culture’s boom and bust only to absorb most of Oahu’s Tiki ephemera along the way and live well into and beyond the Tiki revival.

There’s basically only a handful of kinds of bars (dive, lounge, sports, Tiki… uhhh… Top Golf) and if you’ve seen one you’ve seen most. Which is why location and atmosphere are the most crucial X-factors. 

Regarding location, I’d normally say there’s no real need to go to a Tiki bar in Hawai’i. You’re already on a beautiful island, you don’t need to play pretend. You should be satisfied drinking a refreshing water, frankly. Pretending you’re in paradise is for when you’re in Chicago and need to remind yourself that the sun exists or that you can drink things other than tall boys. But I’ll be damned if there isn’t something special about pulling up your rented Kia Soul to an industrial harbor, flopping your beach-damp ass down in front of a plate of coconut shrimp and watching the sun set over the boat masts and docks while sipping the dark rum floater of your Mai Tai at La Mariana.

Atmosphere on the other hand is a delicate balance for a Tiki bar. They’re not known for their subtlety, folks. That’s usually the charm, but you know how sometimes something is so charming it feels kinda racist? Fortunately La Mariana Sailing Club actually threads the needle of being as “authentically Tiki” as you want from a place like this; carved wood decor, lit up puffer fish hanging from fishing nets, cozy dimly lit booths, while still being a good vibe even if Tiki stuff isn’t your thing.

Listen, I’m not ripping the lid off of a story by saying that Tiki bars are largely “some white people bullshit.” But sadly, I am white, and I love bullshit. Tiki bars take some flak, and in a lot of cases deservedly so, for being culturally exploitative. Tiki bars were a product of flattening all island culture into one easily consumable Americanized aesthetic.The origin of the word Tiki is Māori, rum is Caribbean, the shirts are Hawaiian and my Alf Tiki mug is Melmacian. 

But like a lot of American cultural history, it has evolved into its own independent ecosystem after being around for about 90 years. Where Tiki was once uninformed cherry picking theft from Polynesian culture, it now looks more like… I dunno, a tipsy 63-year-old gay guy in a Hawaiian shirt DJing the B-52s under a thatch roof inside a strip mall. Who am I to judge the state of modern Tiki? All I know is that I like juice and booze all dressed up with flamin’ limes and crazy straws. Plus I’ve never had a Tiki hangover that I regretted.

While I can’t say I’d actually travel all the way to Honolulu just for a night at La Mariana Sailing Club, I could absolutely tell people that’s what I’m doing. And you could too! It’ll make you sound like a free spirited rogue adventurer. Of course if you really do need a second reason to go to Honolulu I’m sure you can think of something. They have a P.F. Chang’s too.

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