There are too many streaming services and we’re all sick of it. Sure I use Netflix, Hulu, Shudder, and HBO Max, there are things each offers that you can’t get elsewhere that I don’t want to miss. And lord knows there are even more services out there that are offering TV and movies I’m sure I’d enjoy. But at what point does watching TV just feel like a keyhole peek into whatever the hell Twitter is talking about with minimal value on the screen? It’s exhausting.

Me? I’m a Tubi guy. And beyond just being a Tubi guy, I’m a Tubi recommender. Tubi is the streaming equivalent of leaving your big city and moving to a cabin in the woods. Ditch the rat race, come out to Tubi for a weekend and see how you like it. Sure it has commercials, and sometimes the volume can change without you pressing any buttons, but if you can’t handle Tubi at its worst you don’t deserve it at its best.

Let’s address the negatives first to ease your mind: commercials. We all hate ’em, but like it or not, we live in a heartless soul-sucking capitalist world. Personally I think it stinks, but what can you do? Glad you asked, because the first thing you can do is just let the brands talk to you for a minute. Think of it like a timeshare spiel that you have to sit through before you can go to the swim-up bar at the resort’s pool. Hmm, now you’re the one doing the scheming and getting one over on the bullshit system without spending a dime. Way to go, comrade!

The other negative is Tubi’s minimal original programming. OK, you got me there. Tubi doesn’t have the deep pockets of a production house and likely never will. It’s missing out on all the heat that the other services get with announcements in Variety and Deadline or write ups and recaps on pop culture sites. This isn’t great but my solution is simple: Tubi, let me make original content. I’ve got a lot of good ideas featuring public domain IP (Santa moves to New Orleans, Weekend at Bernie’s but with Dracula, things of this nature). If someone from Tubi reads this, hit me up.

OK, so now that we’ve added up the cons column, let’s talk pros. First and foremost it’s free. We’ve been over this but this gives it a leg up on nearly every other service.

Secondly: it’s for absolutely everyone. Never has there been a service so suited for putting on for grandpa while he drifts off in his easy chair (old westerns, Nick at Night classics), entertaining movie nerd kids in their parents basement (please just look at the “cult” section, it’s overflowing with gems), and feeding the irony poisoned weirdos (Liberace’s Mother’s Day Special). And sure these things might not be everyone’s cup of tea but they’ve also got plenty of mainstream hits. I frequently went back to Tubi for my quarantine boredom project of watching as many Denzel Washington movies as I could. I just checked and you can currently see Man on Fire, Déjà Vu and Unstoppable.

Sidebar about those irony poisoned weirdos: I’m probably one of them, or at least was for a good stretch, and this definitely informs my love of Tubi. Perhaps I’m a little too old to spend hours watching the series Cleopatra 2525 (synopsis: A cryogenically frozen dancer thaws out in 2525 and joins two more gorgeous warrior women to fight robots who have forced Earthlings into submission) but lord knows if I were 23 again, I’d spend at least one night binging it. Tubi is where you can really dig in and find the garbage that appeals to you. They have insane options like multiple made for TV movies involving The Munsters and The Bionic Woman, as well as trash classics like Hell Comes to Frog Town, Death Bed: The Bed That Eats, and Hard Ticket to Hawaii. Like in life, the more you explore the more you’re rewarded with Tubi.

If fascinating garbage isn’t your thing, maybe you’re just looking for something to throw on for the background while you entertain in your home. I implore you to check out the music section. You’re not going to beat options like Stop Making Sense or a Prince performance from the Sign O’ the Times tour. And beyond the top tier crowd pleasing stuff, it’s also a dumping ground for cheap and/or forgotten concert specials, classic documentaries and way less classic unlicensed music documentaries. Tubi is home to Heavy Metal Parking Lot and the Decline movies, as well as a doc about The Replacements that’s not allowed to use their songs. A music lover’s dream!

You’re probably thinking Tubi is a bargain bin dumping ground, and you’re right, but it’s not just a bargain bin dumping ground. They have a Cannes Film Festival section too. I didn’t recognize most of the stuff in this section but I found a movie called The Pope’s Toilet, which I didn’t have time to screen before writing this but needless to say it’s on the watch list. I’m not the most Anime literate viewer but I did recognize Akira, and there’s always a well loved throwback movie currently running like Heathers or E.T.

I could write this whole thing (and maybe I will someday) just about what comes up when you search “Christmas” on Tubi. The selection is so expansive you can get lost. Watch the original 1973 Black Christmas or long forgotten specials like 1996’s Sega cartoon Sonic’s Christmas Blast and holiday disaster movie Christmas Twister or A Christmas Tail, a movie where I think a boy turns into a dog due to a misheard Christmas wish. If you can’t find the perfect Christmas movie on Tubi, you need to look inward and perhaps learn a Christmas lesson.

Tubi is the best place to watch the best show of all time, Unsolved Mysteries. It’s on a few other streaming services but Tubi’s has the Robert Stack and Dennis Farina seasons, and most importantly they use the original theme song which is bafflingly absent on Hulu. No one talks about how Hulu uses a sound alike and it makes me feel like I’m living a Mandela Effect, so I owe Tubi a debt of thanks for tethering me to my sanity as well.

Tubi is the People’s Champ and perhaps the last bastion of hope for unifying our fractured culture. It’s where you can see Duck Dynasty featured prominently alongside Dead Presidents in the “Not on Netflix” category. A category that exists to brag a little, but also to unify us against a common enemy. Netflix doesn’t want the Duck Dynasty people hanging out with the Dead Presidents people and we all fuckin’ know it. Tubi is the streaming service for the curious, the unsatisfied, the broke, the thinker and the idiot, the normie and the outsider. Tubi is for all of us, and we’re god damn lucky to have it.

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