A Beginner’s Guide to The National Mustard Museum
Two years ago I was gifted a mustard of the month subscription from the National Mustard Museum and my life has not been the same since. It’s a company based out of Wisconsin, with a charming Midwestern sensibility. Their site heavily features pictures of their founder(?) wearing merch like their “Poupon U” sweatshirt. They seem to have their own reference points like this that concurrently make you feel like an outsider but draw you in. It’s an interesting touch and also confirms what I’ve always known: the weirdest people in America are not crystal worshipping desert witches or visual artists that use cigarette holders, but people in the Great Lakes states that wear college sweatshirts.
But beyond their faux-collegiate aesthetic, the National Mustard Museum is a company whose sole purpose is to celebrate our favorite sandwich condiment. They curate a wide selection of mustards made available for purchase through the mail (and in person; a pilgrimage I one day hope to make). They’re relentless in their focus, and as far as I’m concerned the singular authority on mustards in the United States.
Maybe you’re a mustard user already. Heck, most are. But while you probably throw a classic yellow on your hot dog, or a dijon on a ham sandwich, you have room to grow. And if you are a more experienced mustard user, you can always expand your palette. The National Mustard Museum helped me set a baseline for my tastes by offering me some proven winners and some outside the box “counterculture” mustards. I’ve learned much about my preferences, and mustard buying practices, but I can only offer you recommendations from my point of view. Your mileage may vary.
Before we dig in, if I could impart just a couple tips when buying mustard:
Don’t hesitate: You never know what may be stocked one day and gone the next. There are a handful I’ve gotten in the past that are no longer available, like one brat mustard that looked like it was handpacked in a squeeze bottle with a homemade label and was called something like “The Governor’s Special.” It’s now missing from the site and Google thinks I’m a broken robot when I try to find it.
Push your limits: When I place an order, I typically go with a couple trusted ringers and one “weird” mustard per order. Sure you might get one that sits in the fridge for a year, but you never know when you’re going to find America’s Next Top Weird Mustard.
Prepare: Give these condiments the respect they deserve. When they arrive, make arrangements for a quality soft pretzel or good loaf of bread for sandwiches or an upscale bratwurst from your butcher. What a waste to spread this gold on a regrettable plain white sandwich loaf.
Please know that I am still on my mustard journey myself, and it is a lifelong one; ever shifting, with new truths being exposed to me each time I dress a sandwich. Now that you’ve heard the preamble, here are the recommendations. And gang? Have fun out there 😉
Slimm & Nunne Sweet & Nicely Hot Mustard
The Big Mac to The National Mustard Museum’s McDonalds. Try it out, and odds are you’ll like it. It won’t open your mind up to unknown worlds but it will be a stable entry point and you’ll definitely go through the jar in no time.
Bucky Badger Honey Mustard Pretzel Dip
I think this is an official product of the University of Wisconsin? This mustard is a through and through crowd pleaser. It’s better than your average honey mustard, and honestly the biggest draw for me is that it knows it’s a pretzel dip and comes in a wide mouthed jar that reflects its purpose. Can’t go wrong setting this thing out at a small get together or just resting it on your stomach while you watch college football reclining in a gigantic leather sectional in a wood paneled lake house. The Wisconsin way.
This mustard supports my theory that the cheaper looking the label, the better it is at a BBQ. Another classic sweet/hot mustard I use as a glaze for a smoked pork, on chicken wings, it works well on a kosher dog. Dip some roasted potatoes in it, or throw it in a potato salad or coleslaw. Experiment mixing it with things (vinegars, juices, stocks, or soy sauces) and mopping or spraying it on slow cooked ribs. This mustard is your summertime cookout companion. Solid base flavor and some kick to set it apart and give it that “what’s your secret?” quality.
This stuff goes fast. It’s a top 5 sandwich mustard for me, and one of the few I’ve bought at least three times from the Museum. Like Nic Cage has said about acting, “there is no top to human emotion” I feel this way about garlic. Not that this is an overly garlicky flavor, but just to inform you of my predilections. If it’s got garlic I’m in, and this one does the job perfectly.
Stonewall Kitchen Carmelized Onion Mustard
My current #1 for breakfast sandwiches. A lot of sweet mustards derive their taste from honey, which is great, but I love the more subtle tang you get here by just obliterating an onion with heat. It’s perfect with eggs, bacon and cheese. Make a greasy weekend sandwich at home on a hamburger bun (or a croissant if you’re nasty).
Alstertor Dusseldorf Style Mustard
This comes in a little beer mug, and I’m a sucker for bullshit. The mustard is good and I love a good Dusseldorf on a pastrami. Can’t lose here.
Thomy Scharfer Senf
This comes in a tube which was new to me. I guess it’s more common to have tube mustard in Germany, but that alone had a mental impact on me. This mustard could not be contained by plastic, or even glass. It’s industrial, it’s serious and it’s very German. It’s strong and spicy and I found myself using it in sauces or mixed in with tuna, or coleslaw. It’s great on sandwiches too but the biggest draw for me is the sensual pleasure of squeezing it from a tube into a big bowl of cabbage.
OK, here’s a wild card. This is exactly what it sounds like, and tastes like what you think it would taste like, but it’s probably better than you expect. Not sure it’s going to make it into the regular rotation, but if you get this and then put it out at a party, you’re gonna get some curious customers. A conversation piece mustard, if you will.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t name drop my go to brand. It was my gateway brand to new and interesting mustard worlds. There’s tons of variety so you can pretend you’re collecting Pokémon cards or POGs. Creamy Dill, Applewood Smoked Bacon, Sweet Hot Pepper, they have something for everyone with pedestrian or even X-treme tastes. Dip your toes in the creamy yellow waters of Inglehoffer.
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