Anthropologie is selling a $148 golden shovel.

That’s clearly inspired by Doctor Jacoby’s golden shovel from Twin Peaks: The Return.

Why would anyone spend $148 to dig themselves out of the shit when the original golden shovel, the superior golden shovel, is only $29.99? That’s right! Only $29.99! (Plus shipping)

There is a universe where this shovel isn’t inspired by the best piece of art of the 21st century. The Return didn’t have the best ratings and it would not be shocking to find out the majority of Anthropologie customers are unfamiliar with Doctor Jacoby’s most recent money making scheme. But if you’re buying this $148 golden shovel (with carrying case), why? Why would anyone want this?

If you are a Twin Peaks fan and prefer to give your money to Showtime rather than Urban Outfitters, Inc., there are two golden shovel items currently available in the Showtime store. There’s a Golden Shovel Stainless Steel Flask that’s, according to the description, “The perfect gift for any gentleman or sophisticated woman!”

For the non-imbibers, there’s the Golden Shovel Adult Short Sleeve T-Shirt. According to Showtime, “We think Dr. Jacoby would be proud to see you wearing this tee.” I agree that a fictional fake doctor would also be proud to see his merch in the wild.

Alright, enough bullshit. This Anthropologie shovel is obviously not for the David Lynch fan. Or anyone that’s ever seen a David Lynch piece of art. This shovel is just a byproduct of the type of crass consumerism that Lynch so perfectly incorporates into his work, specifically Twin Peaks: The Return.

No one owes Lynch and everything connects back to The Return if you want it to. I did not think a golden shovel released six years after The Return’s initial airing could make me appreciate the 18 episode series even more. I was wrong. Somehow, it’s even more prescient in 2023 than 2017. Friends, it’s time to shovel ourselves out of the shit.

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